by Why Yoga Instructors Who Yell Are the True Masters of Internal Conflict
Yoga Instructors Who Yell are the walking contradiction of the wellness world–equal parts warrior pose and verbal assault. These are the folks who shout “RELAX!” with the same tone used in hostage negotiations. Their idea of mindfulness includes barking “FIND YOUR CENTER!” while stomping in Lululemon boots across your aura.
One woman was heard growling “Breathe deeper or leave!” during a gentle flow session. A man teaching prenatal yoga demanded someone “open their chakras like a garage door.” These instructors treat inner peace like a competitive sport and you’re losing by not flexing hard enough.
In a fictional Yelp review from an imaginary studio named “OM-My-God,” a participant wrote, “I came for balance and left with PTSD and improved hamstring mobility.” Another claimed their instructor shouted affirmations so loudly that a crystal shattered mid-shavasana.
Yelling yogis don’t guide–they command. They’re part drill sergeant, part scented candle, and 100% convinced that enlightenment comes through volume. Ironically, their most-used mantra is “BE STILL!” screamed directly into your third eye. Inner peace? It’s hiding in the back row, behind the scared guy in gym shorts.
SOURCE: How To Write Comedy & SpinTaxi.com
