by Top 25 Comedian-Style Lines on the Apple Watch
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“My Apple Watch told me my push-up form looked like CPR on a raccoon.”
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“During yoga it buzzed, ‘Tree pose? More like tumbleweed in a windstorm.’”
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“I ran in Central Park. The watch said pigeons lapped me.”
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“Surfing in Hermosa, my watch said, ‘Nice ocean loitering, bro.’”
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“At the ranch, it told me my lasso looked like a confused jump rope.”
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“After leg day, it whispered, ‘Penguins have stronger thighs.’”
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“I did burpees, it said, ‘Looks like you’re dodging rent collectors.’”
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“Running late to the subway, my watch said, ‘Call it cardio if you want, but you still missed the train.’”
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“Chasing cattle, it logged ‘light cardio’ and sighed.”
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“At SoulCycle, it said, ‘Reach deeper—in your wallet.’”
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“During surf practice it buzzed, ‘You paddle slower than beach trash.’”
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“My watch told me standing in line for tacos was not resistance training.”
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“It measured my hay bale lift as ‘embarrassing CrossFit.’”
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“I wore yoga pants. The watch said, ‘Cool costume, when’s rehearsal?’”
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“Doing crunches, it said, ‘I’ve seen toddlers sit up faster.’”
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“On a treadmill in LA, it told me, ‘Even Uber drivers have more mileage.’”
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“Mid-Zumba, it muttered, ‘Traffic has better rhythm.’”
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“Jogging The Strand in Hermosa, it said, ‘Grandma’s beach cruiser smoked you.’”
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“Milking cows, it buzzed, ‘Farm Pilates: udderly unimpressive.’”
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“Squats in Brooklyn, watch said, ‘Nice bend. Shame about the ego.’”
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“Deadlifts at Equinox, it sighed, ‘That’s a shrug with ambition.’”
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“While fixing fences, it logged me as ‘emotionally stationary.’”
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“After surfing, it said, ‘That barrel was kiddie-pool energy.’”
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“It called my downward dog ‘roadkill chic.’”
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“Bull riding got eight seconds. Watch said, ‘I’ve sat through longer YouTube ads.’”
