Because apparently exhaustion is a competitive sport now.

People Who Brag About How Little Sleep They Get

Some people count sheep. Others count how many REM cycles they can miss and still function like caffeinated zombies. Meet the sleep-deprived braggarts who treat insomnia like a badge of honor. If you’re not collapsing by noon, are you even trying?

1. They treat 3 hours of sleep like a flex, not a medical concern.

2. They say things like, “Sleep is for the weak,” while visibly twitching from espresso overdose.

3. They set five alarms and consider waking up at 4 a.m. “the grind.”

4. They think a nap is a sign of moral failure.

5. Their Fitbits are too exhausted to track their vitals anymore.

6. They call themselves “high-functioning,” but they just poured orange juice into their cereal.

7. They think REM is just a band and not a vital part of brain health.

8. They say “I’ll sleep when I’m dead,” and they’re halfway there.

9. Their skin tone is somewhere between “cloudy day” and “printer paper.”

10. They refer to weekends as “optional sleep intensives.”

11. They romanticize burnout like it’s a life philosophy, not a cry for help.

12. Their dreams are just task lists in a fog of cortisol.

13. They brag about doing an all-nighter like they survived a jungle expedition.

14. They post Instagram selfies at 2:17 a.m. with the caption “Still grinding.”

15. Meanwhile, the rest of us are asleep, living our best REM cycles.

SOURCE: How To Write Comedy & SpinTaxi.com