by Where enlightenment meets emergency exits
You signed up for self-discovery, not bug bites and group sobbing in a yurt. Here are five signs your spiritual retreat is less “zen” and more “send help”:
1. The Guru Accepts Venmo and Also Sells Essential Oils
“Balance your chakras… and check out my Etsy shop.”
2. You Haven’t Seen Your Phone or Dignity in 72 Hours
But you’ve seen a grown man scream at a tree named Carol.
3. The Only Breakfast Is Cold Quinoa and Regret
Followed by a three-hour drum circle with no rhythm and deep shame.
4. The “Healing Stream” Gave You a Rash
Apparently, enlightenment comes with hives.
5. The Final Ceremony Involved Screaming Your Fears Into a Mirror
And the mirror screamed back.
Spiritual retreats gone wrong: because sometimes the journey inward should include a refund policy.
SOURCE: How To Write Comedy & SpinTaxi.com
