Overprotective Parents: Love or Surveillance?

When “because I said so” isn’t enough

1. “You’ll catch a cold!” – Mom, as I stepped outside in 75°F weather wearing a parka.
2. My curfew was sunset. In the summer. In Alaska.
3. “Call me when you get there” applied to walking from the couch to the fridge.
4. My GPS was permanently set to “Find My Mom’s Anxiety.”
5. Sleepovers required a signed contract, a background check, and a blood sample from the host family.
6. I wasn’t allowed to use scissors until I was 18. Still can’t look at safety scissors without sweating.
7. “Don’t run! You’ll fall!” – My parent’s version of a motivational speech.
8. My school’s “Stranger Danger” program was just my dad’s PowerPoint with crime scene photos.
9. I had to wear a helmet. To bed. “Just in case.”
10. My first date required a police escort (Dad in uniform, ‘off-duty’).
11. “You can’t eat that, it’s been sitting out for 30 seconds!” – Mom, at a buffet.
12. My pet goldfish had more freedom than I did.
13. I wasn’t allowed to watch cartoons in case they “put ideas in my head.” (Spoiler: They did.)
14. My parent’s favorite game: “What’s the worst-case scenario?” (Answer: Always death.)
15. I’m 34 now, and Mom still texts: “Did you remember to breathe today?”

SOURCE: How To Write Comedy & SpinTaxi.com