by A Humorous Ode to the Men Who Only Exist in Books and Netflix
Swipe left, swipe right, swipe into a depressive spiral–but none of it compares to the eternal allure of the Fictional Boyfriend. He’s brooding, emotionally available *and* a vampire lawyer with a tragic past. Real men don’t stand a chance.
- Your standards have been ruined by men who only exist in Jane Austen novels and CW dramas.
- You once cried because a character broke up with someone *else*. Your roommate was concerned.
- Your favorite romantic lead has zero red flags mostly because his author edited them out.
- You made a list of qualities you want in a partner and realized 100% of them describe a morally complex space prince.
- You refer to your Kindle as “the only man who understands me.”
- You get annoyed when real people don’t monologue their feelings in candlelight with a British accent.
- Your friends talk about their boyfriends’ sports hobbies. Yours broods near moody cliffs and speaks Latin.
- Dating apps should have a filter for “Can you smolder like Mr. Darcy in the rain?”
- You once yelled “Don’t you dare hurt her!” at a book. In public. At brunch.
- Someone said your standards were unrealistic. You replied, “So is time travel, and I believe in that, too.”
Fictional Boyfriends: because who needs reality when you’ve got flawless jawlines, tortured souls, and convenient plot twists?
SOURCE: How To Write Comedy & SpinTaxi.com
