by Baby Showers: Where Onesies Multiply and Diaper Games Haunt
Baby showers are the only parties where adults gather to guess the weight of another adult’s unborn child while eating cake shaped like a bassinet. You arrive with a gift bag full of teddy bears and leave with three pacifiers, glitter in your purse, and PTSD from the chocolate diaper game.
The games are either adorable or psychological warfare. “What flavor is this puréed mystery?” someone asks as you sniff something that looks like sadness. Meanwhile, a woman named Carol is winning everything with the competitive intensity of a game show champion.
There’s always a gift-opening segment that lasts longer than most Netflix series. “Oh look, more burp cloths!” the mom-to-be says, for the ninth time. Everyone claps. Quietly. Because we’ve entered Gift Fatigue Phase IV.
The food is delightfully pink or blue, and half the guests eat in fear that someone will shout, “It’s time to decorate onesies!” You pretend to admire the cupcakes while plotting your escape strategy. There’s no safe way out. Only diaper raffle tickets.
Baby showers are chaotic, sweet, and sugar-fueled. You leave with sore cheeks from forced smiling, a candle that smells like “newborn dreams,” and a deeper appreciation for birth control. But hey–free cake. That counts as joy.
SOURCE: How To Write Comedy & SpinTaxi.com
