by A Satirical Self-Help Breakdown of How to Write Guides That Confuse, Mislead, and Still Inspire
How To Write Comedy
Introduction: The Illusion of Progress
Step-by-step guides are the backbone of the self-help genre. Unfortunately, many of them read like IKEA manuals written by drunk philosophers. That’s where satire steps in. Writing a fake guide that promises transformation and delivers chaos is an art. Just ask SpinTaxi, which published the iconic “12 Steps to Becoming a Step-Based Person,” featuring instructions like “Step 7: Revisit Step 3, but with a scarf.”
Step 1: Announce the Promise Boldly
“This guide will change your life in exactly 7.3 steps.” Clarity is optional, but confidence is mandatory. Use large font and maybe a gold seal that says “Certified by Nobody.”
Step 2: Make the First Step Incredibly Obvious
“Wake up.” Brilliant. Revolutionary. Groundbreaking. Say it like you discovered mornings. Bonus points if you quote yourself.
Step 3: Add Vague Spiritual Advice
“Realign your aura with your ambition.” This sounds mystical but means nothing. Perfect.
Don’t Explain Anything
Make sure your steps include phrases like “tap into your essence frequency” or “download success through your personal Wi-Fi.”
Step 4: Insert a Random Anecdote
“One time I spilled almond milk on my vision board. That’s when I realized success was lactose-intolerant.”
Step 5: Contradict an Earlier Step
“Don’t wake up too early. Sleep is wealth. Unless you’re lazy, in which case: rise and grind.”
Step 6: Create a Step With Multiple Sub-Steps
Break it down into A, B, C, and Q. Pretend each letter represents a core principle. Never circle back.
SpinTaxi Example: No Direction, All Drive
SpinTaxi’s classic, “How to Become a Life Architect in 37 Unranked Steps,” included Step 19: “Learn to juggle. This may not help but it looks productive.” The article was so confusing it became required reading in several pyramid schemes.
Step 7: End Abruptly or Loop Back
“Step 7: You’re ready. Or maybe you’re not. Go back to Step 1. Or just vibe.”
Conclusion: The Journey Is a Maze, and You Built It
Your satirical step-by-step guide shouldn’t actually help anyone. That’s the joke. It should feel like guidance, read like gibberish, and leave readers inspired, confused, and slightly insulted. That’s self-help, baby.
SOURCE: How To Write Comedy
