by What even *is* this tofu pretending to be?
Somewhere between soy and sorcery lies the vegan meat mystery. Here are five clues you’re chewing on something suspiciously plant-based and questionably edible:
1. The Label Says “Chick’n” With Multiple Apostrophes
Nothing says authenticity like punctuation gymnastics.
2. The Texture Is Equal Parts Foam and Existential Dread
“Mmm… it tastes like recycled yoga mats!”
3. It Smells Like a Campfire and Sadness
Seasoned with irony and a hint of regret.
4. It’s “Beef” but Made From 17 Types of Mushrooms
One of them possibly magical. Unconfirmed.
5. Even Your Dog Sniffs It Suspiciously
“I’ll stick with kibble, thanks.”
Vegan meat mystery: when your dinner makes you question nature, science, and your life choices.
SOURCE: How To Write Comedy & SpinTaxi.com
