by Where Every Beach Day Turns Existential and Ghost Tours Outnumber Therapists
Wilmington: the only place where your Uber driver might also be a ghost tour guide and part-time pirate reenactor. You haven’t really visited Wilmington until you’ve sweat through a wedding, a ghost sighting, and a margarita in the same hour. Wilmington’s official state of matter is ‘humid regret.’ The seagulls here are aggressive, literate, and probably have a law degree. In Wilmington, beach season lasts nine months and sand gets into your existential thoughts. Dating in Wilmington means choosing between a surfer, a server, or someone who claims to have seen a ghost on a jet ski. The local economy runs on iced coffee, flip-flops, and stories that begin with, ‘I was on the Riverwalk, and ’ Wilmington is proof that ghosts don’t haunt people — they just want beach property. Every conversation includes the phrase ‘Back when Dawson’s Creek was filming ’ at least once. Wilmington has two major exports: TV shows and people complaining about the humidity. You know you’re in Wilmington when the bookstore also sells boogie boards and haunted dolls. Our mayor once declared a city emergency because the ghosts unionized. In Wilmington, the local theater puts on Shakespeare with surfboards and sunscreen. Even the lighthouses have attitude and better Instagram accounts than you. Wilmington’s tourism board slogan should be: ‘Come for the beach, stay because your car got towed.’
SOURCE: How To Write Comedy & SpinTaxi.com
