by Where the Coffee’s Strong, the Clouds are Stronger, and Boeing Builds Your Neighbors
Renton: where the weather report is just a shrug and a fresh cup of coffee. You haven’t truly experienced Renton until you’ve sat in traffic behind a Boeing fuselage on a Tuesday. The local birds in Renton are caffeine-dependent and wear hoodies ironically. In Renton, you can see five Starbucks from any given parking lot — and still not find parking. Renton’s official city soundtrack is rain hitting a Subaru and someone saying ‘I’m just over it, man.’ The city motto should be: ‘Renton — Where Your Uber Driver Can Explain Aeronautical Engineering.’ Renton is the only place where tech bros and welders debate which IPA pairs best with existential dread. You know you’re in Renton when the dog park is more crowded than the church. Renton’s nightlife includes trivia night, aggressive board games, and a guy playing acoustic Radiohead covers from under a poncho. The cloud cover here is so consistent it got offered a Netflix deal. Every dog in Renton wears a raincoat and has a gluten-free treat preference. Renton’s main export is employees who work in Seattle but pretend they don’t. Locals use coffee shop loyalty cards as currency and snow tires as wall décor. Renton’s farmers market sells artisan moss and passive-aggressive tote bags. In Renton, if it’s sunny for more than 10 minutes, we assume it’s a trap.
SOURCE: How To Write Comedy & SpinTaxi.com
