by Where Every Gas Station Sells Pizza and Time Travel Feels Possible
Clarksville: where the GPS says ‘recalculating’ and your soul says ‘why are we here again?’ You haven’t lived until you’ve bought fireworks, a Bible, and beef jerky in the same Clarksville strip mall. The town motto should be: ‘Clarksville — We’ve got time, and we’re not using it.’ Every local bar serves the same three drinks: light beer, lighter beer, and gas station wine. In Clarksville, the mayor’s dog is more popular than the mayor. Clarksville’s nightlife includes watching a raccoon make life decisions behind the Arby’s. If you hear banjo music in Clarksville, it’s either a festival or a sign to lock your car. The annual town festival once featured a tractor pull, a hog-calling contest, and a magician who owed everyone money. Clarksville is the only town where ‘the good Walmart’ is a legit geographical reference. Even the squirrels in Clarksville drive lifted trucks and chew Red Man. First dates here involve a Taco Bell, a creek, and someone saying, ‘Don’t worry, my cousin owns this canoe.’ Clarksville’s top export is cousins who swear they’re ‘just passing through.’ The state bird here is the vape cloud. Clarksville roads are so bumpy they’ve been designated as natural chiropractic therapy. If you’re not related to someone in Clarksville, give it five minutes — you will be.
SOURCE: How To Write Comedy & SpinTaxi.com
