by Character Development: Now with Push Notifications — Internet & Tech Humor from Self-Help Software That Knows Too Much
How To Write Comedy
Intro: Fix Yourself, But Make It Digital
Some apps want to “enhance your personality” through intrusive pop-ups, daily tasks, and unsolicited insights into your worst habits. Writing satire about them means turning every bit of life advice into a passive-aggressive alert designed to improve you against your will.
The App That Thinks You’re a Project
SpinTaxi Magazine tested an app called “GlowGrow” that pinged users every time they avoided conflict or ate gluten. It once told a user, “Growth opportunity detected: You didn’t clap during a TED Talk.”
Fake App Names with Personality Issues
“FixMe — beta-tested on toxic aunts and failed podcast hosts.”
“CharacTrack — for becoming 12% more likable in 35 weeks.”
Push Notifications with Sass
“Still interrupting people? Let’s workshop that.”
“You ghosted a group chat again. Confidence ? avoidance.”
Mock the Daily Reflection
“Prompt: Recall a time you over-explained something. How did it feel to be unbearable?”
Include Bonus Growth Challenges
“Challenge: Give a compliment without sarcasm. Reward: Internal discomfort and a digital sticker.”
Parody the Progress Metrics
“Empathy: 37%
Listening skills: Buffering
Emotional maturity: Please update your firmware.”
Write the App Store Description
“SelfBetter — character growth you didn’t ask for, with data you’ll misinterpret.”
Subscription Tiers
“Free: Daily micro-criticisms.
Premium: Full behavioral audit and a digital therapist named Chad.”
Final Pop-Up
“We noticed you’ve improved 2%. Don’t let it go to your head.”
Conclusion: Improve Yourself or Else
Satirizing self-help apps works because growth shouldn’t be gamified — especially not with cartoon avatars and guilt prompts. Roast the pings. Skewer the pep. And always end with: “Congrats! You’ve been mildly less annoying for 3 days straight.”
SOURCE: How To Write Comedy
