Because your breakup, your brunch, and your existential dread all hit us before 8am.

People Who Treat Group Chats Like Personal Diaries

They join the chat like it’s therapy, a memoir, and a public service announcement rolled into one highly caffeinated text bubble.

1. You wake up to 67 messages and assume someone died. Nope–just Stacy’s new oat milk revelation.

2. They drop voice notes longer than a podcast episode.

3. Every relationship update is posted with a TikTok link and four crying emojis.

4. They live-text their arguments. With screenshots. And timestamps.

5. You know their cat’s bowel schedule more intimately than your own.

6. They ask, “Can I vent for a sec?” and then… don’t stop for six hours.

7. They react to their own messages. With enthusiasm.

8. They don’t believe in separate chats. Everything goes in the main thread–including their failed sourdough starter saga.

9. They accidentally send a thirst trap, then “accidentally” leave it.

10. They type “Not me crying in Trader Joe’s” and expect emotional support.

11. Their phone battery is 92% drained by their own monologue.

12. They think “Read at 3:24 PM” is a personal attack.

13. They send follow-ups to their own texts in case “anyone missed it.”

14. They name the group “My Safe Space ??” and then get mad when you mute it.

15. When they say “Sorry for the novel,” it’s already too late. You’re on Chapter 7.