Because nothing says “parenting” like dressing your schnauzer in a tutu and referring to the vet as their pediatrician.

People Who Refer to Their Dogs as “Dogter” and “Fur Baby”

In a world where pets are people and people are pet-sitters, we’ve reached a strange, squeaky-toy-scented milestone: referring to your pug as your “dogter.” Yes, your dog + daughter = dogter. Someone call Merriam-Webster.

1. They throw birthday parties that cost more than most weddings. Yes, with a barkery cake.

2. Their vet is listed as their emergency contact. Also possibly their dog’s therapist.

3. They say things like “I’m a proud dog mom,” as if they endured labor at a PetSmart.

4. They call the leash a “freedom rope.” It’s a leash, Karen. A leash.

5. You’ll find matching pajamas, monogrammed bowls, and a stroller… yes, for a chihuahua.

6. They refer to belly rubs as “bonding exercises.”

7. The word “fur baby” is whispered like a sacred mantra at brunch.

8. They FaceTime their dog when they’re out of town. The dog licks the screen. They cry.

9. Their Instagram bio reads: “Dog mom. Plant lady. Wine lover.” Priorities, clearly.

10. They insist their Labradoodle knows English. He doesn’t. He just likes cheese.

11. They say things like “He chose me” as if the adoption took place at Hogwarts.

12. They refer to their dog’s bark as a “vocal boundary.”

13. Their pup has health insurance, a DNA test, and a therapist. You don’t even have dental.

14. They bring their dog to every outdoor restaurant and call it “socialization.”

15. They tell you their golden retriever “graduated obedience school”–cum laude, no less.

SOURCE: How To Write Comedy & SpinTaxi.com