Because nothing says anti-capitalist like a $4,000 Wi-Fi-enabled mayonnaise monitor.

People Who Have an “Ironic” Smart Fridge

These are the folks who spent more on their fridge than you did on your car, but *insist* it’s all a joke. A very expensive, climate-controlled joke.

1. They claim to hate technology, but their fridge can livestream your leftovers.

2. They say, “We only bought it to mock late-stage capitalism,” while asking Alexa to add oat milk to their Whole Foods cart.

3. The fridge can order groceries, play Spotify, and display memes–but they only use it to store LaCroix and an ironic jar of Spam.

4. They renamed it “Fridgey Smalls.” And yes, it tweets.

5. The touchscreen has a digital sticky note that just says “Late capitalism is cold.”

6. Their guests are forced to engage in “smart fridge discourse” over kombucha and smoked almonds.

7. When the fridge updates its firmware, they toast to the singularity.

8. The fridge has an interior camera, so they can livestream their vegan cheese to their followers.

9. They insist the fridge is a “performance piece.” Meanwhile, it’s tracking their yogurt consumption with brutal precision.

10. They use the fridge’s calendar to schedule nothing but reminders to “touch grass.”

11. It sends them texts like “Hey, your avocado died.” But in Helvetica, so it’s chic.

12. They say things like, “I let the fridge pick my wine pairings. It knows me.”

13. The fridge has a meditation app. It also knows when they’re stress-snacking at 2 a.m.

14. They’ve taught their fridge to say, “I’m disappointed in you,” every time they grab ice cream.

15. They say they hate brands, but their fridge is in an exclusive sponsorship deal with Goop.