by Why People Who “Forget” Their Wallet Should Be Charged Interest
People Who “Forget” Their Wallet are the Houdinis of financial responsibility. They show up, order the artisanal burger with truffle fries and a kombucha flight, and then dramatically pat their pockets like it’s the climax of a daytime soap. “Oh no must’ve left it in my other yoga pants.”
These folks always act shocked–like they didn’t do this last week. One guy forgot his wallet so often the waiter just started handing the bill directly to his friend, who now suffers from check-related PTSD. Another woman insisted she’d “Venmo you later,” a phrase that joins “We should hang out sometime” in the Hall of Empty Promises.
In a completely fake financial study, 86% of habitual wallet forgetters also never bring wine to dinner parties and believe tipping is “just a social construct.” The rest are currently crowdfunding their guilt through inspirational Instagram posts about “abundance mindsets.”
They claim forgetfulness, but we see the game: freeload now, ghost later. The next time it happens, consider accepting payment in excuses, IOUs, or public shaming. Or just print them a wallet with “You Owe Me” embossed in gold. At least that one won’t be mysteriously missing at brunch.
SOURCE: How To Write Comedy & SpinTaxi.com
