by The Fastest Political Retreat in History
Matt Gaetz Becomes Olympic Gold Contender in Backpedaling
- Gaetz withdrew his own plan before the ink was dry on the first press release.
- Analysts say his withdrawal was so fast it might have torn a hole in the space-time continuum.
- Sources claim he even beat Ted Cruz’s Cancun exit record.
- The proposal was meant to last a week, but in Gaetz time, that’s apparently 14 seconds.
- Reporters struggled to keep up, as he had already issued five different retractions before their articles were published.
- NASA scientists are studying Gaetz’s ability to move faster than light.
- His withdrawal was so rapid that Republicans and Democrats agreed on something for the first time in years: that was fast.
- Even professional quitters were impressed by the sheer efficiency of his backpedaling.
- A Las Vegas casino is now offering odds on how long Gaetz can stick to a stance before sprinting away from it.
- Political historians are requesting a new term for when a policy lasts shorter than a TikTok trend.
- Mike Pence called Gaetz for withdrawal advice, but Gaetz had already changed his number.
- Gaetz’s supporters are hoping his next policy idea lasts at least as long as a Snapchat streak.
- His retreating skills are now more polished than a used-car salesman’s pitch.
- If backpedaling were a sport, Gaetz would be Michael Jordan.
- In related news, his staff has officially listed their job titles as “professional damage control specialists.”
📌 Source: bohiney.com
Originally posted 2023-05-06 15:02:05.
