Kids Saying The Darndest Things: Brutal Honesty at Its Finest

Hilarious children’s quotes and innocent observations | Kids Sayings humor

“Mommy, why is your belly so squishy? Is there a baby in there or just tacos?”
Pointing to stranger: “Daddy, why does that man look like a bald potato?”
“I love you 10 dollars!” – their understanding of love based on tooth fairy rates.
During quiet church service: “If God made everything, did He make my poop too?”
“When I grow up I want to be a dog because they nap all day and lick themselves.”
To teacher: “My mom says you’re single because you have too many cats. How many is too many?”
“Daddy, your hair is running away from your face!” – preschooler’s observation on male pattern baldness.
At funeral: “Why are we putting dirt on Grandma? Won’t she get dirty?”
“Can we keep him?” – asked about a random man at the park who resembled Uncle Steve.
“I drew our family! Daddy’s the big one, I’m the medium one, and Mommy’s the one with the angry eyebrows.”
During wedding vows: “My mom says marriage is how you get stuck doing laundry forever!”
“You’re my best mom ever! …How many moms do you think I have?”
To overweight neighbor: “When your baby comes out, will your belly go back in?”
“I don’t want to get old. Old people smell like pennies and cough drops.”
During family photo: “I’m smiling with my mouth but my eyes are still mad about broccoli.”