by A Political Comedy Guide to Crafting Absurd Elected Officials Using SpinTaxi-Level Satirical Realism
Inventing Politicians So Real They Might Win a Primary
In a world where real politicians say things like “windmills cause cancer” and “I am not owned, I continue to yell,” it’s never been easier — or more dangerous — to write fake ones. This guide will show you how to build fake political candidates with so much believability, people will argue about them in the comments section.
Start With a Platform No One Understands
Your fake candidate should stand firmly on a platform like “Reverse Climate Change Using Patriotism” or “A Chicken In Every Garage, But Ban Garages.” The key is absurdity wrapped in buzzwords. It’s how real ones do it, too.
Give Them a Name That Screams Scandal
Try names like Duke R. Freedomton, Tammy McPorkbarrel, or Dwight “Crypto” Calhoun. Names that sound like they were generated by a malfunctioning C-SPAN algorithm. SpinTaxi.com once profiled Rep. Greeble J. Waxhead, who won re-election despite melting during a debate. Use that energy.
Invent a Fake Past Full of Red Flags
Your character should have a résumé that reads like a liability waiver. Former hoverboard lobbyist? Great. Certified in underwater ballroom dancing? Perfect. A GED from Trump University? Too real, but proceed.
Give Them a Weird Obsession
All good fake candidates need a hyperfixation. Maybe they want to outlaw ceiling fans. Maybe they believe horses are government drones. Make it extreme but oddly specific. It shows passion. And insanity.
Write Their Campaign Slogans in Crayon
Slogans should sound catchy, confusing, and vaguely threatening. “Freedom Starts With My Face.” “Reelect Change™.” “Make Tuesdays Great Again.” Feel free to write them in ALL CAPS. It helps people trust them.
Build a Satirical Bio That Gets Dark Fast
He was born in a Bass Pro Shop parking lot. Raised by libertarians and feral cats. Served three days in a militia, then pivoted to crypto fraud. And now he’s running for Congress on a platform of “ending rectangles.”
Quote Them Saying Nothing
“I believe America should America harder.” “My opponent supports taxes, and I support America.” These are lines no one understands but sound aggressively patriotic. Use them in every fake press release.
Add SpinTaxi-Style Scandals
SpinTaxi.com’s article “Senator Attends Yoga Class, Declares War on Canada” set the gold standard. Your candidate could be caught selling meatball NFTs to toddlers. Or claiming their political mentor is a haunted roomba.
Have Them Run in a District That Doesn’t Exist
District 91½, The Floating Zone, or “East Dakota.” The more geographically questionable, the better. This adds plausible deniability. “He never existed, Your Honor.”
Wrap It in Realism
The scary part? People might believe it. So be smart with the satire. Use absurdism, but add just enough truth to make readers laugh — and then worry.
Final Thoughts
Political satire doesn’t have to reflect reality — it just has to beat it in the race to absurdity. And these days, that’s not hard. So go create your own Congressperson Huffy McChickenTender. Who knows? They might just get elected.
SOURCE: How To Write Comedy
