by Why Haunted Fitbits Are Just Ghosts With Step Goals
Haunted Fitbits are what happen when your fitness tracker gets possessed by a ghost with unfinished cardio. “Why did it log 3,000 steps at 3 a.m. while I was asleep?” asks a woman who woke up with her device vibrating and whispering “run.” Her dog barked. Her boyfriend left. The Fitbit stayed. Counting.
These cursed wearables glitch between wellness and witchcraft. One man said his calorie tracker beeped every time he walked past a graveyard. Another claims his Fitbit congratulated him on 666 active minutes and offered a “Blood Moon Challenge.” The prize? Unclear. Possibly eternal stamina. Or doom.
In a fictional wearable tech report by the Institute of Paranormal Metrics, 79% of haunted Fitbit users said they experienced “phantom steps and ghostly goals.” The rest simply charged their trackers with holy water. One woman swears her heart rate monitor summoned a Victorian ghost named Mildred who screams during yoga.
Fitness is good. Possession is not. If your device is vibrating with the whispers of the undead and logging “ascended staircases” you didn’t climb, maybe power it down. Or call an exorcist. Because while hitting your goals is nice, doing it with a spectral personal trainer? That’s a hard no from the afterlife.
SOURCE: How To Write Comedy & SpinTaxi.com
