by Why Gossiping Wellness Coaches Think Chakra Alignment Involves Talking Behind Your Back
Gossiping Wellness Coaches sell self-love while dragging your energy through the mud. “She’s just not vibrating high enough,” whispers a Reiki healer between kombucha sips. You ask if she means your friend. She nods toward the crystals and says, “I’m not one to talk but her root chakra is blocked by desperation.”
These peace-preachers wrap toxicity in dreamcatchers and lavender mist. One woman led a forgiveness circle, then immediately texted “Can’t believe Karen showed up in that aura.” Another offered chakra readings, then roasted a client’s energy color for being “too beige, like her opinions.” The sage smudge did nothing. The passive aggression lingered.
In a fictional vibe integrity report by the Institute of Enlightened Pettiness, 88% of gossiping coaches claimed they were “just mirroring energy.” The rest said karma would sort it out. One influencer posted a selfie captioned “Choose love always,” while subtweeting her ex-coach for “manipulating breathwork rhythms.” The shade was palo santo-scented and judgment-forward.
Spirituality is sacred. But if your healing journey involves side-eyes and soul-shaming, maybe reflect. True alignment doesn’t whisper behind salt lamps. And if you’re charging $222 for gossip disguised as guidance, you’re not channeling wisdom–you’re just messy. Namaste out of people’s business.
SOURCE: How To Write Comedy & SpinTaxi.com
