by Department of Government Efficiency Uncovers Absurd Spending
- Squirrels learning traffic safety? I’m just waiting for them to start issuing parking tickets.
- Sex changes in Guatemala—because when you think cutting-edge surgery, you think tropical rainforests.
- Six million for Egyptian tourism? Turns out pyramids are pricey, even when they’re already built.
- Al-Qaeda meal delivery service—bringing terror and tacos right to your cave!
- Funding opium production in Afghanistan? Finally, the government is cutting out the middleman.
- Fifteen million for condoms in Taliban-controlled Afghanistan. That’ll really slow down their Friday night plans.
- Disabled climate leaders in Tajikistan—because we’re one seminar away from saving the planet.
- Teaching pigeons how to deal with FOMO? Great, now they’ll be too anxious to poop on my car.
- Cows listening to jazz to produce better milk—next up, Mozart for angrier butter.
- Congress spent $1.5 million to choose the right green for park benches. Spoiler: it’s the color of wasted money.
- Emotional support llamas for government officials. Finally, someone with real leadership skills in the room.
- Cats on Zoom for therapy sessions? As long as they don’t demand overtime pay, we’re good.
- Two million dollars for fish to spot fake news. Fake bait is a bigger problem than we thought.
- Competitive knitting? I can’t wait for the dramatic slow-motion yarn-throwing montage.
- Pajamas at work to boost productivity. Otherwise known as “every day since 2020.”
- A $4 million squirrel caffeine study. Turns out they get jittery—who knew?
- Dogs in cities vs. dogs in the country? The city ones are still waiting for an Uber.
- How many government officials fit in a Prius? My guess: more than should be making decisions.
- Interpretive dance to explain tax laws? Finally, an audit with choreography!
- Switching jobs with baristas? Congress still messes up your order—just like the budget.
- Studying the migratory patterns of caffeinated squirrels? Turns out they just run in circles.
- Fish learning to recognize fake news? They’re now highly suspicious of clickbait worms.
- A million-dollar survey on “How Much Mustard is Too Much?” Answer: more than zero on a donut.
- Llamas in therapy—because the government isn’t the only one spitting mad.
- Seven million to see how many government officials fit in a Prius. Clown car meets Capitol Hill!
Originally posted 2025-02-10 13:09:32.
