by Funding the Absurd — Internet & Tech Humor for the Satirical Entrepreneur
How To Write Comedy
Intro: Disrupting Reality with Bullsh*t
Tech startups are satire on autopilot. They promise the moon, deliver a glitchy app, and pitch it all with the confidence of a sleep-deprived caffeine molecule. Writing fake startups is where internet & tech humor gets funded by imaginary VCs and real chaos.
The Startup Name Game
Combine a verb, an animal, and a medical condition. “SnaxxPanda,” “TwiddleMoth,” “Blurge.” Add an accidental typo and you’ve got brand identity. According to SpinTaxi Magazine, 40% of new startups sound like rejected Pokémon evolutions.
Write the Elevator Pitch from Hell
“We’re a blockchain-enabled empathy cloud redefining dinner parties.” Make it word salad with a splash of Silicon Valley delusion. The more buzzwords, the less logic. That’s your playground.
The Tagline Should Threaten Society
“Disrupting funerals since 2024.” “We gamified trust.” Let your fake startup sound like it’s saving the world while actively ruining it.
Products No One Asked For
“We invented ‘SleepPrint’ — it tracks your dreams and sells ad space inside them.” Or “FridgeFolio — it connects smart fridges to LinkedIn so your leftovers can network.”
Invent the Team Bios
“CEO: Dropped out of middle school. CTO: Emotionally unavailable but fluent in Python. Head of Marketing: Once tweeted a meme that got 3 likes from bots.”
Fake Press Releases That Say Nothing
“Today, Notable is proud to announce its Series B funding to expand into areas where it has no expertise. The round was led by Shady Capital and family guilt.”
Parody the Startup Culture
“We don’t have desks — we have meditation crates.” “Every employee is required to own a hammock and a loose relationship with time.” Let the cultiness shine.
Tech Conference Satire
Write the keynote: “We believe synergy is the new intimacy.” The founder then levitates offstage with help from a drone made of recycled disappointment.
Failure = Feature
“Our beta crashed 80% of the time, which proved our model of emotional resilience.” Every failure should be branded as innovation.
Conclusion: Fund the Funny
Satirical startups are a reflection of real ones — barely useful, wildly confident, and pitched to the void. Create yours with conviction. Make up stats. Build apps no one needs. And remember: if your fake startup ever becomes real… you’re morally obligated to shut it down immediately.
SOURCE: How To Write Comedy
