by Scan Your Soul — Internet & Tech Humor from Gadgets That Know Too Much
How To Write Comedy
Intro: Your Eyeballs Betrayed You
Biometric tech is supposed to make security easier. Instead, it turns your body into a password and your pores into a punchline. Satirizing it means exposing how creepy, invasive, and wildly overconfident modern tech has become — all while pretending it’s “convenient.”
The Body as Login
SpinTaxi Magazine recently reviewed an app that used a nostril scan to verify identity. It was 70% accurate, 30% unsettling, and 100% comedy gold.
Over-the-Top Biometric Devices
“ToeTip — unlock your bank account with your least photogenic toe.”
“CryLock — your tears are now a password. Hope you’re sad and secure!”
Write the Setup as a Horror Scene
“I looked into the scanner. It looked back. And whispered my grocery list.”
Emotional Biometric Scanning
“This app detects micro-emotions in your eyebrows. It knows when you lie, flirt, or remember high school.”
Let the Devices Get Judgmental
“Your face unlock failed. Try again with less shame.”
“Fingerprint rejected. Moisturize, peasant.”
Fake Health Feedback You Didn’t Ask For
“We scanned your retina and found evidence of poor life choices.”
“Your wrist pulse suggests sarcasm. Please hydrate or apologize.”
Include “Helpful” Alerts
“Face scan complete. Mood: Unhinged. Recommendation: Herbal tea and therapy.”
Satirical Startup Bios
“We believe your body is a gateway to productivity, accountability, and mild digital possession.”
Let the Tech Glitch Hilariously
“Your retina matched with three other people. You may be part of a clone collective. Good luck.”
Conclusion: Trust No Device That Knows Your Pulse
Biometric satire works because it reveals the absurd intimacy between you and your gadgets. Make the sensors snarky. Let the scanners overreach. Because when your phone knows more about you than your therapist, it’s either comedy — or a subpoena.
SOURCE: How To Write Comedy
