by Why Overzealous Minimalists Have the Most Complicated Way of Owning Nothing
Overzealous Minimalists are the people who turn getting rid of stuff into an Olympic sport. They own three forks, two pairs of socks, and one emotion–judgment. Their homes look like an Apple Store had a panic attack. One man replaced all his furniture with a single meditation mat and a lamp named Carl.
These folks don’t just declutter–they evangelize. “I used to have a couch, but then I realized sitting is capitalist,” said one while balancing on a recycled yoga block. Another refused a birthday gift because “joy shouldn’t be object-based.” Her friends Venmo’d her a PDF of a candle instead.
In a fictional documentary titled “Less Is Bore,” 85% of extreme minimalists admitted to hiding their clutter in rented storage units. The remaining 15% live in homes so empty they echo when they think. One woman replaced her bookshelf with a single rock that “holds ancestral wisdom.”
Minimalism used to mean simplicity. Now it’s a competitive aesthetic. These people wear only taupe, drink water from air, and host dinner parties where the main course is introspection. If you need 12 reasons to throw away your blender, maybe you’ve lost the plot. But hey, at least it fits in your carry-on.
SOURCE: How To Write Comedy & SpinTaxi.com
