by Here are 15 observations for the theme Dumb People in Powerful Places — where every punchline comes with a pension plan and press conference:
1. The higher the title, the lower the common sense.
He’s a “Senior Executive Global Synergy Consultant” and once microwaved a stapler because it “looked like a Hot Pocket.”
2. The corporate ladder is actually an escalator for idiots wearing Bluetooth earpieces.
They just stand there, loudly mispronouncing “liaison,” and ride it all the way to the top.
3. Politicians proudly say “I’m not a scientist”—as if that’s a flex.
Would you let someone fly your plane if they began with, “Now I’m no pilot, but I have strong opinions about clouds”?
4. Tech CEOs believe they’re philosophers now.
“My app doesn’t track users—it liberates them.”
No Chad, it sells my period data to a mattress company.
5. The “I built this from nothing” guy inherited a trust fund, a boat, and two senators.
And he still can’t figure out how to forward an email without pasting it into Word first.
6. School principals who confuse “leadership” with “lunchroom dictatorship.”
No jeans, no gum, no eye contact.
Also: please respect Mental Health Week.
7. HOA presidents are the Napoleon Bonapartes of the cul-de-sac.
“Paint your fence taupe or face the tribunal.”
All rise for the tyrant of Suburbia.
8. Billionaires who think buying Twitter qualifies as “revolutionary.”
You’re not storming the Bastille. You’re just bad at hobbies.
9. Office managers who schedule six meetings to discuss why productivity is down.
“Let’s circle back” is code for “I’m out of ideas but still want credit.”
10. CEOs who use “synergy” in every sentence like it’s a seasoning.
“We need synergy with our budget synergy so the synergy reflects synergy synergy.”
Your PowerPoint just gave me a hernia.
11. Mayors who campaign on fixing potholes but can’t spell “asphalt.”
And yes, he did once call it “ass-fault” during a press conference.
12. Influencers now write children’s books and call themselves authors.
“Page 3: Follow your dreams.”
Page 4 is a sponsored post for laxative tea.
13. Tech bros who discover trains and call it “HyperLoop.”
Wow, Elon, you invented… public transportation. Shall we clap or just buy stock?
14. Public relations reps who start every apology with “We hear you…”
Translation: “We did the thing, got caught, and now we’re pretending to learn.”
15. Supreme Court justices who think the internet is a passing trend.
He once asked, “Is Facebook a sandwich?”
And now he gets to decide what’s constitutional.
