by Why Springfield, Oregon is the Most Confused Town in America
Springfield is the only town where Google Maps says, ‘You’re on your own, buddy.’ The most common job in Springfield? Explaining which Springfield you’re from. Even the Simpsons wouldn’t claim this Springfield without legal counsel. The city motto should be: ‘No, not that Springfield. The Oregon one. Keep scrolling.’ In Springfield, every third person is a ‘local historian,’ which means they’ve been lost here since 1997. Our biggest tourist attraction is a sign that says ‘Welcome to Springfield’ — it’s been stolen 87 times. You can judge how long someone’s lived here by how many times they’ve accidentally flown to Missouri. The city’s official bird is the lost Amazon delivery drone. Local speed dating in Springfield involves a map and a compass. Our Fourth of July fireworks are just the city’s potholes catching fire. The mayor once declared a ‘Find Your Own House’ initiative after Google Street View gave up. Springfield has two seasons: ‘Wet Confusion’ and ‘Dry Misdirection.’ We tried to build a theme park once, but everyone just ended up at the DMV. Our Yelp reviews are mostly people trying to warn you that you’re in the wrong Springfield. Even Siri says ‘I don’t know her’ when you ask about Springfield, Oregon.
SOURCE: How To Write Comedy & SpinTaxi.com
