by Because we all wanted a play-by-play of your existential spiral at 2 a.m.
People Who Use Group Chats Like Diaries
You joined for brunch plans and ended up reading a novella about Brenda’s fear of aging. Welcome to the group chat, where boundaries go to die and one person thinks everyone’s emotional support animal is their iPhone screen.
1. “Hey, just wanted to vent real quick” is never quick and always emotionally expensive.
2. Every minor inconvenience is treated like a Greek tragedy–with emojis.
3. The chat is for sharing memes, not the unfiltered angst of your third failed situationship this month.
4. One minute it’s “lol look at this dog,” and the next it’s “I think my landlord is gaslighting me.”
5. If you’ve typed “I know this isn’t the place for this butÂ…”–you already know it’s not.
6. There’s always a 37-message monologue that ends with “anyway, thoughts?”
7. They narrate their life like we’re all ghostwriters for their autobiography.
8. Their emotional breakdowns come with timestamps, typos, and zero punctuation.
9. You fear opening the app because Brenda might be mid-existential reckoning again.
10. The typing bubbles haunt you like tiny digital drumrolls of doom.
11. You came to coordinate dinner and stayed for the live-stream of someone’s quarter-life crisis.
12. No response? They’ll drop a follow-up paragraph and a sad-face GIF until you validate them.
13. They weaponize silence like it’s a betrayal of friendship.
14. Their texts should come with content warnings and a therapist referral link.
15. It’s a group chat, not “Eat, Pray, Overshare.”
SOURCE: How To Write Comedy & SpinTaxi.com
