Because apparently walking uphill in $200 boots makes you spiritually superior

People Who Think Hiking Is a Personality Trait

Somewhere between REI and the third time they mention “elevation gain,” these folks decided that hiking wasn’t just a hobby–it was who they are, deeply and profoundly.

1. They list “oxygen deprivation” under hobbies on dating apps.

2. Their Instagram bio just says “?? Soul lives at 10,000 ft.”

3. They believe protein bars are a food group–and a personality test.

4. They own more hydration bladders than actual bladders.

5. They think a “rest day” is for amateurs and people with cartilage.

6. They say things like “I don’t do drama, I do switchbacks.”

7. They won’t shut up about how hiking “changed them,” as if the trail personally gave them emotional closure.

8. They treat trail mix like sacred ritual food, never to be sullied by non-trail mouths.

9. They insist you aren’t a real friend until you’ve “peaked” together.

10. Their living room features framed topo maps and a shrine to Patagonia gear.

11. They pretend camping without signal is “freedom,” even though they packed a solar-powered blender.

12. They give their boots names. And birthdays.

13. They think “a good hike” is anything that might be fatal.

14. They shame you for driving when “legs were the original transport.”

15. They truly believe that each summit selfie reveals their “truest self”–and they have 412 truest selves.

SOURCE: How To Write Comedy & SpinTaxi.com