Because Google University has no accreditation, but plenty of valedictorians.

People Who Think “Do Your Own Research” Is a Mic Drop

Ah yes, the sacred phrase of anyone whose argument is one YouTube video away from complete collapse.

1. They treat “Do your own research” like it’s a scholarly citation, not an escape hatch.

2. Their “sources” include a guy on Reddit named QuantumWizard76.

3. They never actually *share* research. Just vibes and a smug GIF.

4. They believe Google’s algorithm is a more trustworthy advisor than decades of peer-reviewed science.

5. They once read an infographic from 2014 and now speak with the confidence of a Nobel laureate.

6. “I watched a documentary” = “I skimmed half a TikTok stitched with a Joe Rogan clip.”

7. Their argument’s backbone? All caps, five exclamation marks, and a suspiciously deep knowledge of lizard people.

8. They assume you haven’t done research because you didn’t land at the same conclusion as their yoga instructor’s cousin.

9. When presented with facts, they retreat into the safe cocoon of “That’s just what they want you to think.”

10. They distrust “mainstream media” but get their news from a grainy video with an eagle watermark.

11. They forward you a 38-minute audio file with a vague warning: “Just listen. Your mind will be blown.”

12. Their version of the scientific method involves one question and 400 Facebook comments.

13. They ask, “Why isn’t this being talked about?” It is. In forums moderated by people named Chad and wielding swords.

14. When cornered, they pivot to, “I’m just asking questions!” Sure, and I’m just screaming into a pillow.

15. If they ever did actual research, we wouldn’t need to have this group text argument at 2 a.m.