When your couch becomes a decorative minefield

People Who Own Too Many Throw Pillows

These are the soft-surface maximalists, the throw pillow tycoons, the people whose homes resemble a Pottery Barn exploded in slow motion. For them, sitting down is a complex negotiation with textile obstacles.

1. Their couch has a higher pillow-to-human ratio than most bedding departments.

2. You must complete a pillow obstacle course just to find a spot to sit.

3. “Form over function” is their life motto. Comfort is secondary to fluff symmetry.

4. They say things like “This one’s just for fall,” as if pillows have seasonal jobs.

5. You can’t tell if they live there or if you accidentally walked into a Pinterest board.

6. Throwing the pillows is frowned upon, despite the name.

7. They have “accent pillows,” “statement pillows,” and one that exists solely to match the drapes.

8. Bedtime takes 15 minutes of de-pillow-ing and 3 emotional support sighs.

9. There’s always one pillow that’s inexplicably sequined and deeply un-nap-able.

10. Sitting on their couch feels like being enveloped by a sentient marshmallow army.

11. Guests never know whether to lean back or just hover politely.

12. They have more opinions on lumbar support than most chiropractors.

13. Cleaning day is less vacuuming and more reassembling a fort made of fluff.

14. Every pillow has a story, and they will tell you all of them. In order.

15. You once mistook their guest bed for a pillow showroom and had to sleep in the bathtub.

SOURCE: How To Write Comedy & SpinTaxi.com