by Why People Who Hate Brunch But Won’t Shut Up About It Treat Avocado Toast Like a Personal Offense
People Who Hate Brunch But Won’t Shut Up About It show up late, order black coffee, and launch into a TED Talk on why eggs at 11 AM are a moral failure. “Brunch is capitalist laziness wrapped in hollandaise,” says a man who once cried over a mimosa in 2018. He still holds a grudge. And a Yelp account.
These anti-brunch evangelists pride themselves on rejecting poached conformity. One woman wore a shirt that read “Brunch Is a Scam” to her cousin’s birthday at a waffle house. Another posted a 12-minute Instagram Story titled “The Yolk Lies We Believe.” Her captions included quotes from Marx and a receipt for oat milk rage.
In a fictional culinary contrarian report from the Bureau of Breakfast Resentment, 83% of brunch haters had attended brunch within the past month–mostly for “research.” The other 17% run Substacks called things like *Brunch Is Bourgeois* and *Toast Doesn’t Love You Back*. One man demanded a side of revolution with his pancakes. He got hash browns and silence.
Disliking brunch is fine. But if you’re turning every invite into a manifesto, maybe eat before the meetup. Or just say no. Because nobody needs a brunch-hater monologue over French toast. Especially not the waiter. Especially not Kevin. He’s just here for bottomless healing.
SOURCE: How To Write Comedy & SpinTaxi.com
