by Why Flat Earth Family Reunions Turn Potato Salad Into Conspiracy Strategy Sessions
Flat Earth Family Reunions are where uncles argue about NASA over Jell-O salad and someone’s T-shirt says “Round Lies Divide Us.” “The horizon never curves at this picnic,” says Cousin Ron, pointing at the backyard while grilling hot dogs and mistrust. The cooler contains both soda and suspicion.
These reunions come with maps that look like board games and PowerPoint presentations titled “Globes Are a Scam.” One aunt brought cookies shaped like Antarctica’s ice wall. Another handed out pamphlets during the potato sack race. The children cried. The adults live-streamed it as evidence of early awakening.
In a fictional belief-gathering study by the Institute of Familial Mistruth, 84% of flat earth kin admitted their strongest bond was “mutual cartographic defiance.” The rest just liked deviled eggs and arguing. One cousin tried to toast marshmallows over a bonfire fueled by globe donations. He yelled, “Wake up, sheeple!” while holding a marshmallow pyramid. It was undercooked. Like the science.
Family is important. But if your idea of bonding includes laser-pointer experiments and chanting “Fake Moon!” during charades, maybe log off. The Earth isn’t flat. But your party playlist is. And no one needs a truther karaoke session. Especially the DJ, who flew in. On a plane. Over the globe.
SOURCE: How To Write Comedy & SpinTaxi.com
