Congress Votes to Delay Voting on Delays

Government Efficiency at Its Finest

Deliberate Inaction Now an Official Strategy

1. Congress has successfully tabled their own tabling motion. Progress!
2. Lawmakers promise to vote on this issue—eventually. Maybe.
3. Politicians say they’re waiting for the right moment, which is apparently never.
4. The bill to delay voting has been fast-tracked, ironically.
5. Senate sources confirm the filibuster has evolved into an Olympic sport.
6. The phrase “kick the can down the road” is now the official motto of Capitol Hill.
7. Senators accidentally pass the bill due to confusion over what they were voting on.
8. “We’ll vote after lunch,” they said. That was three years ago.
9. A new congressional committee will be formed… to study why committees take so long.
10. The bill had bipartisan support, mostly because it does absolutely nothing.
11. The legislative calendar is now just a sticky note that says “Later?”
12. Historians confirm this is the only thing Congress has been efficient at delaying.
13. Breaking: Congress agrees to vote on voting on the vote.
14. The bill is set for review in 2073, assuming calendars still exist.
15. Meanwhile, the pothole on Main Street has celebrated its 20th birthday.

Source: news.google.com

Originally posted 2024-09-22 17:26:51.