by Why Folks Who’ve Never Taken Off Their AirPods Think Silence Is a Threat
Folks Who’ve Never Taken Off Their AirPods treat silence like a personal attack. “I just like to have a podcast in the background,” says a man who hasn’t heard an unfiltered human voice since 2019. He’s listening to a two-hour episode on mushroom-based productivity. His mom is mid-heartfelt conversation. He nods. But doesn’t hear her. Just vibes and volume.
These eternal earbudders live life in Dolby surround. One woman went through a breakup while blasting a self-help audiobook titled *Detach With Elegance*. Another man streamed whale sounds during a funeral. Someone cried. It wasn’t him. He was listening to a crypto AMA.
In a fictional auditory dependence audit by the Bureau of Constant Input, 83% of 24/7 AirPod wearers said they “feel weird without them in.” The rest said silence made them “confront their inner monologue.” One guy has showered, slept, and proposed marriage while wearing AirPods. She said yes. He didn’t hear her.
Sound is soothing. But if your AirPods are a permanent part of your skull and you’ve forgotten what wind sounds like, maybe unplug. The world has its own playlist. And no, it doesn’t include your true crime recap at grandma’s birthday dinner.
SOURCE: How To Write Comedy & SpinTaxi.com
