Office Politics: The Hunger Games (But With More Paperwork)

Surviving the 9-to-5 battlefield

1. The “open door policy” really means “come in so I can ignore you visibly.”
2. Team-building exercises: Where you learn how much you all hate each other.
3. That one coworker who treats the office fridge like their personal crime scene.
4. “Let’s circle back” = “I forgot everything you just said.”
5. The printer jams only when you’re in a hurry and alone–like it’s judging your life choices.
6. Someone always steals your favorite pen. It’s basically a hostage situation at this point.
7. The boss says “work-life balance” but emails you at 11 PM with “URGENT” in the subject line.
8. Office gossip spreads faster than the Wi-Fi–and is just as unreliable.
9. That passive-aggressive “Per my last email…” is corporate-speak for “I will end you.”
10. Meetings that could’ve been an email: The unofficial sport of the workplace.
11. The break room coffee tastes like regret, but you drink it anyway because free.
12. “We’re like a family here” = “We’ll guilt-trip you into working weekends.”
13. Your desk neighbor chews so loud you can hear it through noise-canceling headphones.
14. The IT guy is the only person everyone is nice to–out of sheer terror.
15. Performance reviews: Where you find out your “areas for improvement” include breathing wrong.

SOURCE: How To Write Comedy & SpinTaxi.com